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Then there are hard transitions that are very painful. Transitions being neurological in nature can also trigger panic attacks like PTSD. For me, the panic attacks are a problem. Panic attacks trigger the fight or flight response. When I’m afraid of something I kill it. If it’s dead it can’t hurt me. So during a panic attack anything I interpret as aggressive is a direct and immediate threat to my survival. I am a trained fighter. I never had these attacks before my illness.One day my wife raised her voice to me in an angry tone when my back was turned and startled me. I almost attacked her. In over twenty years of marriage I have NEVER raised my hand to her. That moment, I almost beat her. Do you understand? not slap her, not punch her, but put an honest to god street beating on her. I realized what was happening and left the room before I touched her. I spent the next couple of days considering killing myself. I will not become a danger to my family. I decided to give docs a little. I woke up to the pain of her cock entering my ass hole but it stopped hurting as soon as she pushed her whole fuck stick up inside. She fucked me hard trying different ways of thrusting in and out and she raised her body up and down, sometimes lying on my body and other times holding herself up with her arms.I was out of my mind with desire for her and I moaned and grunted, "Fuck me hard" as she brutally jack hammered my ass. I wanted her to tear my ass wide open and get inside me completely. In her excitement, it seemed like she was trying to do just that. Finally she gripped me tightly and holding me, I felt her cock throbbing as she ejaculated a pool of spunk into my rectum.Afterwards she lay still on top of me with her cock in my ass for a minute or two. She never does that and I loved feeling her on top of me after cumming. I wanted her to stay knotted up inside me forever. She rolled off me onto her back next to me and lay there exhausted and spent.The next day she waited most.
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